On August 25, 1989 I was two weeks away from six years of being a Christian. I was also two months away from turning 28 years old. I think the greatest accomplishment is my life was becoming a Christian. I've always been authentic with God, He sees all and knows all, I knew I didn't have to pretend or hide from Him. I have had a struggle in my life with God that had me on a roller coaster with Him. Sometimes I was what I thought to be a perfect Christian, then sometimes not. I knew God was always there and we weren't giving up on each other.
After I put Dustin to sleep I went back to the living room. Steve and Monie lived in a single wide trailer. The living room was near the bedroom Dustin was sleeping in.
Steve, Butch and Paige left to go to the store. I stayed in the living room talking with Monie. Steve had a massive collection of classic rock albums. They were all on the floor lined up in several rolls against the wall. I was looking through them.
After I became a Christian I realized the devil was real. He was out to kill, steal and destroy me and I didn't take it seriously. I learned quickly about the classic rock I loved so much since I was a teenager. Some of the bands were satanic. I learned how to recognize them. I could see a lot through the album covers. I had my video camera with me. Since I was teaching teens in Sunday School I thought it would be interesting to video some of the album covers with satanic overtones to show the teens. Monie watched with amazement.
Monie's 18 year old daughter came home to get a few things. We were staying in her room for the weekend. She briefly spoke with us and we told her to be quiet when she went in her room because the baby was asleep.
She came out a couple of minutes later. By this time it had been 20 minutes since I put Dustin to sleep. Steve and Butch had also just came back from the store.
Monie's daughter came out of the room and asked where the baby was.
I hurried to the room wondering why she asked that. I looked on the bed and didn't see Dustin. The bed looked like it had been neatly made, and that was very strange to me. I pulled back the throw blanket that I never put over him or around him. There was Dustin stuck between the bed and the wall. His feet were down towards the floor. It looked as though the bed and wall were holding Dustin up at his chest. His head was slumped over like he was asleep. His body was facing towards the top of the bed. I quickly picked him up and he didn't move. I screamed for Butch.....and God. Butch took him from me and ran to the living room couch. Butch and Steve started CPR. Paige stood looking at her brother. Monie called 911. I ran out to the back porch.
On the porch I looked up to the sky and started making deals with God as I pleaded for my sons life. I want to be totally authentic here, but I have to follow the Christian rules so I won't be judged. I promised God if He saved Dustin I would never ***** *** again!! I promised I would be perfect. I promised I would never commit another sin. I was pleading and crying. I was full of fear and scared to death. I thought my deals with God would work, so I walked back in the trailer and they were still doing CPR. I seen his lips looked blue. Paige was watching, but I was dealing with God and that was where my mind was.
I then went out the front door and walked the neighborhood street back and forth in front of the trailer praying and crying to God. I didn't care who was looking at me. This time I begged, "Jesus you rose Lazarus from the dead and if Dustin is dead I know You can bring him back. Please Jesus bring him back. I know You can. Please Jesus just like you did with Lazarus. Please, please God!" I was sobbing uncontrollably.
The EMS arrived. I was still pleading and begging God! As I walked towards trailer and the EMS man was walking out with Dustin. His head was in the palm of his hand and his body laying on his arm while his arms and legs hung down. He looked lifeless. I turned my head and couldn't look.
The next thing I knew we were in our car and Steve was driving with Butch up front. I was in the middle of the back seat. We followed closely behind the ambulance. I looked at the back doors and knew my son was in there wondering what was going on.
I stopped crying and pleading with God and just stared at the ambulance doors. I was quiet and couldn't say a thing. All I could feel was a terrible awful feeling I cannot describe. Scared, so scared. God wasn't even listening to me. He was punishing me for not obeying all His rules. It was all my fault. I was a bad mom. I was a bad Christian. I was a bad Sunday School teacher. I was bad. I had to be terribly bad for my baby to be dying.......